We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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