It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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