I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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