Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
