I just threw up on my dentist
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
