Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
