nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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