we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
