dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
