Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
