At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
