Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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