Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
