Nicole vs. Life
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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