Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
