I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They took my balls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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