Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
