I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
