angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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