You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
