This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
