Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
