i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
