The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
