our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
