what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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