Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
