Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
