are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
