I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
