there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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