is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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