Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Enjoy the penises
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
