Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
