drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you win again, gameday.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
