It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
