Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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