Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
