do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
