she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
