I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
