I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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