people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
