If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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