Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
