i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
