so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
