Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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