Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
