you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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