I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
