Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
